Serenity

Se.ren.i.ty [suh-ren-i-tee] : noun

• The state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.


• The quality or state of being serene; clearness and calmness; quietness; stillness; peace.


• A disposition free from stress or emotion.


• The absence of mental stress or anxiety.


• Calmness of mind; evenness of temper; undisturbed state; coolness; composure.
  

All of the words above describe my current state of mind. I have 3 more days left of work and while I do not have another job lined up yet, I feel a great sense of relief and tranquility. Yesterday I opened up my calendar and wrote down all the family gatherings I can and will attend because

a) I don't have to work on a weekend &

b) I have the energy to travel to visit and spend quality time with my loved ones.

Simple things like attending my cousins birthday party or visiting an old friend have been put on the back burner of my life because I was so consumed with my job and trying to get ahead. Well now I can grab a hold of my life and do the things I want to do. While I will work again, I will not let the work-Work me down. I will not allow the work or the brainwash of the next job (because there is always some cool aid you must drink when you start) to get the best of me and my life! (Amen)

I know it sounds like I am preaching, but I do indeed feel like I am having an enlightenment. I feel like I am starting a new page, chapter and book in my life. I NEED Peace in my life and the next endeavor I take on must allow me to have a clean balance between my 8-5 tasks and those that go on after I leave the office.

The job I am leaving now leaked into my life and contaminated it! I would work, work, work and when I wasn't working, I was thinking of work and beating myself up about what I didn't do and what I have to do the minute I get in to the office. Now sure, being crazy about work makes you look good to your boss b/c Mr. Bossman thinks, "Wow, she's a GO-Getter, A real Maverick (haha..pun on Palin intended), An ASSet to the Company,"...and so forth and so on.

I pray that my next job is one that truly like and that allows me to excel but not drain myself in the process. My family means more than anything else in this world and I refuse to let anything hold me back from spending my quality time with them.

Now back to job hunt!

My decision...

Okay so in my last blog I stated I made one of the hardest decisions and I wasn't lying!

I decided to resign from my job. This was a very hard decision because of the current economy but I have strong faith in God that I will land another position that will allow me to be happier.

I had been miserable at my job for about a year now and I got to the point where I knew I had to leave but felt trapped because of bills, a mortgage, car payments, student loans...etc. I bought a home with my Fiance in March 2008 and since then I tried my hardest to make the best of my current work situation so I wouldn't leave him with all of the bills. I am a perseverant person but I am also human and could only take so much at my job.

My job caused me to become so stressed and I did not like the person I was during my work week. I would come home, cry, skip dinner, and just feel like crap. My fiance noticed my sad demeanor and helped me the best way he could and that meant he gave me supportive, unconditional love. God I love that man! He kept me going and for that I truly appreciate him. He supports my decision and he believes I will find something. I will probably take a pay cut but if that means that I am back to being happy Clarissa, then it's worth it.

After being fed up yet again after talking to my boss I took my break. I called my fiance crying my eyes out (yet again) and after all the tears flowed I knew it would be the last time this job made me cry again! I shouldn't be this stressed and my fiance agreed with my decision. I drove to a church near by and prayed. I know that God won't let me drown and I have faith that I will overcome this hurdle!

I went back to work and confidently handed in my resignation letter.

I made decent money at my current job, but if I deducted every tear, stressful moment, anxiety attack, frustrated moment and every bit of BS I endured then I would say that I made below minimum wage. I understand the more you get paid the more stress and responsibility you will take on, however I value my personal life and loved ones dearly and my job wanted to work 'round the clock. Working endlessly did not allow me to do the things I love and that made me miserable. The managers would frown down on anyone calling out for illness, family emergencies and any other life-related situation. They mandated 12 hour work days with no extra pay (yes that is illegal) and they sincerely didn't care if they worked you to the bone.

After 2 years of dealing with all of the nonsense, I put my 2 weeks in on Friday February 6, 2009 and my Last day is February 20, 2009. Leaving is going to be bitter sweet because I will miss all of my friends at work. I did make some great relationships with my co-workers and I will definitely keep in touch with them because they were great!

Everyone at work has been so supportive too. I expected everyone to say: "Are you crazy? Leaving a job now?" Instead a few told me they too were leaving soon because of the unfair work conditions and other told me they were proud of me for being strong enough to move on. Many were happy for me because they know how bad our working situation is and if one of us breaks out..then it gives hope to someone else who is thinking of leaving. Crazy how what I just wrote sounded like I was leaving Jail!

Since my resignation I have put my resume out like crazy and I have an interview on Monday already! Wish me luck!

I have faith things will fall in to place! I love my life and peace of mind is worth so much to me.

I know I made the right decision!

These are some quotes that have helped me thus far with my decision:

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."

"When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home." ~Betty Bender.

"I’ve learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". ~Maya Angelo.

"Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.”

"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”

Bored. Blasé. Uninterested. Jaded.

So I have a secret past time. When I get bored I look up comics that pertain to my current mood. Anyone who has read my blog probably realized by now that I don't just express myself by writing. I like to illustrate my feelings via pieces of clever comical art a.k.a comics.

So with that being said...Here are comics that clarify my current sentiments:

Who knew chicken were so funny and delicious?

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You see...I wish I had an IV filled with espresso plugged in to me.

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This is what I currently wish I were doing. Sleeping.
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Do you think anyone would notice if I walked around with post-it notes on my eyelids?
Doubt it.
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Man, I wish I could hang this in my cube.

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Yes! A practical idea to pass time at work. I am starting this effective immediately.

Corporate Zombie

Well I got in to work this morning and one of the new "cool" managers came over to say hi and we made small talk about the weekend. When I say "cool" I mean that he has yet to fully drink the corportate koolaid and turn. He moved from another state and I guess that makes him stick out in a positive way. So anyway, he realized that I removed all my personal items from my desk and was concerned. I told him that THEY told me to not do anything personal at work and THEY suggested I not take any lunch amongst other really crappy things. The cool manager said that he now understands why I removed all my personal things. He was scared that I had foot in the door and one out. I told him I've had that foot out the door a long time ago. I mean seriously I have maybe a pinky toe in the door keeping me here. This place just sucks the life out of you and I don't plan on sticking around to become a corporate zombie.