Wednesday, January 28, 2009


So this year I have many goals...
My biggest goal is my weight loss and I have been trying my best to lose the excess pounds but it is so hard. I have been eating healthy, counting calories, drinking green tea, downing lots of water and doing cardio and numerous workouts. Even with all of that, I feel like I am getting no where fast. I keep thinking to myself...maybe my body is a pack rat and does not want to let go to the pounds b/c it's emotionally attached to them.
I know that sounds dumb but I really don't know what else could be the reason for losing minimal pounds and yet I am trying so hard. I cannot give up but there are times where I want to just postpone the wedding just so I can shed more weight. I know that is not realistic but I just want to look good and feel good as I walk down the aisle. My Fiance keeps assuring me that he loves me and I look fine. Well I know that I don't feel fine and I know I need to lose weight to look and feel fine. It is so hard. He is on the diet too but I don't feel as though he is really trying hard because he doesn't work out or weigh himself often. He also has no problem indulging either. Bad Food will pop up around us like a vandal in a riot and I say "NO!" to the bad food and he says, "Come on! You can indulge here and there." This frustrates me sometimes because I wish he were more strict and when he advocates the bad food I feel like I am being a sour puss.
Guys just don't understand. We as women have to be and are expected to be glamorous, beautiful and seamless on our wedding day. We have to have perfect skin, hair dress and we cannot look like we are bulging out of it. I feel like I will look like a gross blob of white lace and its driving me insane and making me nervous about my BIG day. Everyone is so happy about the wedding and I thrilled to marry the man I love but I feel like I will look at my pictures down the road and say "OMG, ILL, put those away-I look hideous and fat!" I don't want to feel like that so I am doing all the things that I believe will help me but still losing ever so slowly. It sucks so bad. I hate it. I wish for one day I could be made of clay and I can sculpt myself the way I want to look. I know, I know--I live in a fantasy world and I dream too much but I am a Pisces and that's what we do=Dream!

Well enough of this pointless banter about things I cannot change (as fast as I'd like).
Lord, please grant me the metabolism of Olympic sprinter and the patience of Gandhi.

No comments:

Post a Comment